I keep my blinds closed most of the time. I am one of "those" people. It drives my mom nuts when she comes to visit me. She can't stand how I live in the the dark. I am a private person and don't want anyone to "see" inside, so I keep my blinds closed. The sad thing is that I am missing the amazing beauty on the other side of those blinds.
I also keep the blinds to my heart closed. Little by little, I have been twisting them open and I've started to see the beauty on the other side.
I can't pinpoint exactly why I've been so closed off. I assume it started when I was a young girl. I had a working mom and a very busy dad. I spent a lot of time alone and didn't have a closeness with my parents or younger brother. I was also overweight and was bullied at school and in my neighborhood. I changed schools several times too. I went to three elementary schools, 2 junior highs and 3 high schools! It was very hard for me to find a group to join and belong to. When I went to college, I had intentions to join campus Bible studies and service organizations. Unfortunately, I sabotaged myself and sought out relationships that kept me closed off from everyone else. I missed out on discipleship and godly girlfriends. That is one of my biggest regrets in life.
As a young adult in my 20s, I volunteered as a Younglife leader, but I was so afraid of opening up to those teenage girls, that I failed to mentor them. As a military spouse, I have shied away from social situations because I represent my husband and I am so scared that I'll say or do something wrong. I have been afraid of taking leadership positions within the military spouse community. I have walked away from potential friendships, women's fellowships and ministry opportunities because I was afraid of what others would think of me. I let the enemy tell me that my blinds needed to remain closed. I had nothing to offer and I was going to embarrass myself. Satan wants me to imprison my heart so I can't be used by God. It's his only weapon--to lie to me and make me believe that I am not worth knowing.
Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. James 4:7
I am now 37 years old with a whole lot of life ahead of me and experience behind me. I don't want to waste another day hiding behind the blinds, peering out the slats to see what I am missing. I am not going to live in the dark anymore. I have things to offer and friendships to nurture. I learned this recently when I went to a conference by myself. Other women reached out to me and I found new friends. I could have easily sat by myself and gone to my room to eat by myself, but I said yes and it was wonderful! I want to be able to reach out to others like that. I am scared, but how can I remain that way when I know God has a beautiful life for me on the other side of the blinds? Sure, it may sometimes be cloudy or stormy, but He will protect me. I will trust Him to lead me out of hiding. I will be obedient and let Him use me.
"Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven. Matthew 5:16 NASB
Then Jesus again spoke to them, saying, "I am the Light of the world; he who follows Me will not walk in the darkness, but will have the Light of life." John 8:12
"for you were formerly darkness, but now you are Light in the Lord; walk as children of Light" Ephesians 5:8
"For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them." Ephesians 2:10
|The view out my window--Pike's Peak|