Life Verse

"Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me"

Psalm 51:10

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

I've been in the wilderness for the past few months. Not literally, but in my heart and mind.  I was spiritually hungry, thirsty and tired.  I felt physically weak.  At first, it was not such a great place to be, but in the end, it has been a blessing.

It started right after I got home from the 2:1 Conference.   I was high with excitement and encouraged.  I was ready to take on the social media and blogging world.  Then I settled into my normal life and started questioning myself.  I felt completely inadequate as a wife, mother, homeschooler, blogger, friend and Christian.  Had I been wrong about feeling God's calling to blog? Essentially, I gave up.  Of course, this was not the objective of the conference!  It was Satan attacking me with lies in every area of my life.  He was trying to drive me into my weakness, which is the depression that I've struggled with since I was a teen.  I'm not sure why it happened at this time, but I do believe I needed to go to this barren wilderness to find my purpose.  I was driven to desire God more and that is a good thing!!!

A few weeks ago, my pastor, Brady Boyd, hit the nail on the head during his message on the Sermon on the Mount.  He had a great quote, "God loves you to much to give you a platform before He privately confirms our identity."  That was it!  I was meant to go to 2:1.  God wanted me there, but He was equipping me.  He never meant for me to come home and be a superstar blogger the Monday after the conference.  He put very specific people in my life that weekend to nurture my journey, not to discourage it.  I have spent much time in prayer, meditation on His Word and counsel from other godly women.  I was able to really reflect on my purpose during a Christian family camp earlier this summer and even through the children I have been working with at church.  It's been a difficult, but amazing time of growth for me.

I am running out of this barren wilderness into the lush, vibrant life that I know He has for me. I feel that God has prepared me to send me out to be a voice and an influence.  I hope that you will join me on this journey and be blessed.