Life Verse

"Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me"

Psalm 51:10

Friday, February 1, 2013

Open Your Blinds!

I keep my blinds closed most of the time.  I am one of "those" people.  It drives my mom nuts when she comes to visit me. She can't stand how I live in the the dark. I am a private person and don't want anyone to "see" inside, so I keep my blinds closed.  The sad thing is that I am missing the amazing beauty on the other side of those blinds.

I also keep the blinds to my heart closed.  Little by little, I have been twisting them open and I've started to see the beauty on the other side.

I can't pinpoint exactly why I've been so closed off.  I assume it started when I was a young girl.  I had a working mom and a very busy dad.  I spent a lot of time alone and didn't have a closeness with my parents or younger brother.  I was also overweight and was bullied at school and in my neighborhood.  I changed schools several times too.  I went to three elementary schools, 2 junior highs and  3 high schools!  It was very hard for me to find a group to join and belong to.  When I went to college, I had intentions to join campus Bible studies and service organizations.  Unfortunately, I sabotaged myself and sought out relationships that kept me closed off from everyone else.  I missed out on discipleship and godly girlfriends.  That is one of my biggest regrets in life.

As a young adult in my 20s, I volunteered as a Younglife leader, but I was so afraid of opening up to those teenage girls, that I failed to mentor them. As a military spouse, I have shied away from social situations because I represent my husband and I am so scared that I'll say or do something wrong.  I have been afraid of taking leadership positions within the military spouse community. I have walked away from potential friendships, women's fellowships and ministry opportunities because I was afraid of what others would think of me.  I let the enemy tell me that my blinds needed to remain closed.  I had nothing to offer and  I was going to embarrass myself.  Satan wants me to imprison my heart so I can't be used by God.  It's his only weapon--to lie to me and make me believe that I am not worth knowing.

Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. James 4:7

I am now 37 years old with a whole lot of life ahead of me and experience behind me.  I don't want to waste another day hiding behind the blinds, peering out the slats to see what I am missing.  I am not going to live in the dark anymore.  I have things to offer and friendships to nurture. I learned this recently when I went to a conference by myself.  Other women reached out to me and I found new friends.  I could have easily sat by myself and gone to my room to eat by myself, but I said yes and it was wonderful!  I want to be able to reach out to others like that.   I am scared, but how can I remain that way when I know God has a beautiful life for me on the other side of the blinds?  Sure, it may sometimes be cloudy or stormy, but He will protect me.  I will trust Him to lead me out of hiding.  I will be obedient and let Him use me.

"Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.  Matthew 5:16 NASB

Then Jesus again spoke to them, saying, "I am the Light of the world; he who follows Me will not walk in the darkness, but will have the Light of life." John 8:12

"for you were formerly darkness, but now you are Light in the Lord; walk as children of Light" Ephesians 5:8

"For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them." Ephesians 2:10

The view out my window--Pike's Peak